but seriously.
I have spent most of my life with one emotion - Interference. not joy, not sadness, just plain boring middle ground.
Recently I have found myself straying from the norm, and this does scare me a bit.
Does my early see-sawing mean I am becoming more unstable or that the greater trans thing is starting to open me up a bit?
As I read other peoples blogs I am struck with one constant thing, as they have progressed they have started to cry more. God I want this... I know how daft this sounds but I have so much built up inside me that I am just not able to release. I have put some of this down to what I call social programming, it is not socially acceptable for a male to cry - even with joy. :-(
I am finding that as I try different mental setups (guy, Girl, dressed up Girl) I am finding it a little easier to break out of this programming but with 27 years of programming to break - it is taking some doing.
I am planning a sort of experiment to help me release some of the backed up tears, dress up, get the mind 'right' and watch a film with strong emotions that i wouldn't feel embarrassed crying at,
Apollo 13
Avatar
LOTR
Titanic
all have extremes of high and low emotion.
As I said at the start, is my being depressed a good thing? Am I breaking up or or starting to venture out in to the wide world of sadness and joy. I hope so.
I have often said about a lot of things, 'You cant have good days unless you have bad days to compare them to'.
I shall cross my fingers.
Love to all
